


Captain Asgard

by luckywitch



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Disguise, Gen, Humor, Impersonation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:25:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1446754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckywitch/pseuds/luckywitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Tony! I think is a bad idea," Bruce says as he finally captures Tony's attention.</p>
<p>"Nonsense, Bruce, with the cowl no one will know," Tony assures, before turning to yell back, "Just make sure you don't talk Thor."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Asgard

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came from an episode of Sailor Moon called, "The Pure Heart Stolen! Usagi's Biggest Crisis" and is titled in my notebook as "Sailor Moon Says." Which is really all I need to say about that.
> 
> I originally wanted to try a dialogue only fic, but it didn't quite work out that way. 
> 
> As much as I am having a fandom resurgence thanks to CA:TWS, this has no spoilers and is set in a vague hand wave-y timeline after the Avengers.

"Tony.

"Tony.

"Tony! I think is a bad idea," Bruce says as he finally captures Tony's attention.

"Nonsense, Bruce, with the cowl no one will know," Tony assures, before turning to yell back, "Just make sure you don't talk Thor."

  
"What about his hammer, Tony?"

   
"Are you talking about Mjolnir or...." he deliberately trails off, eyes suggestively looking over Thor's exposed body.

  
"I'm not calling his penis a hammer!" Bruce harrumphs.

   
"Just checking. You never know, Demi god and all; I wouldn't turn him down either." Tony winks before going back to check the security monitors.

   
"Tony, the hammer and shield. How are you going to pull that one off?" Bruce asks, hoping he's able to poke enough holes into Tony's asinine idea.

   
"Cap loses his shield all the time in battle, we'll just pretend he's at that point already. "

 

"When has the Cap lost his shield in battle?"

"Fine you Debbie Downer, it's in the world's longest discus throw. Any other problems?"

"Tons. Loads even. What about-"

"I'm sure you have plenty of good and valid, but not necessarily right, points but what else do we have?

"Steve is on a secret diplomatic mission to Wakanda, do you really think Count Nefaria --what kind of stupid name is that anyhow--isn't going to notice Captain America not being with us, when it's the Cap's head he wants specifically on a plate?

"Y'know, I bet the Count is pissed he's not a Duke or something. You would think if you were creating your own evil name, you'd go for something high ranking like the Duke of Darkness, the Archduke of Anarchy, the Emperor of Eris."

"The Sultan of Swat?" Bruce jokes resignedly.

"And now you have me craving s'mores. Good job.

 "JARVIS find me a place that serves s'mores."

 "Would that be to the battle or after, sir?" JARVIS chirps, "I would recommend after as to decrease the likelihood of melted chocolate and marshmallow in your helmet."

 "After, then."

 "You're really going through with this Tony?"

 "What other choice do we have Bruce?"

 "This may sound crazy..."

 "Look at who you're talking to," Tony pointedly looks.

 "Look who's speaking. I know you're fine with my... other side, but you're the exception to the norm, as I suspect you know and even cultivate from time to time. But, dressing up Thor as Steve? Well, that sounds exactly like something you do actually. I-"

 "See! It is something I'd do, approval accepted," Tony steamrolls ahead. "Thor, buddy, are you ready?"

 "Ay. Though, I do share Bruce's concerns."

 "Oh good, you're even starting to sound like Steve!"

 Before Tony has time to start his next sentence, the alarms blare announcing the presence of the Count. Thor takes off running towards the threat, Tony shortly after him, before he stops to turn back and gives Bruce a 'well, c'mon look.' Bruce sighs and wonders why Natasha, Clint, Steve, and Pepper have left him to be the sole voice of reason. They should know by know that there is strength in numbers. Maybe not Clint's number, but the point stands. Still, he shakes his head and figures he can try and curb further disaster at least and follows the other two men.

 

* * *

 

It's midnight in Wakanda when Steve finally manages to make it back to his hotel room. The negotiations are going well, and if they kept up at this rate, he'd be back home in a few days time. Turning on the tv, more out of habit of having background noise than watching value, he gets ready for bed.

He's in the middle of brushing his teeth, when his attention is caught by the news anchor saying, "Avengers have defeated Count Nefaria earlier today in Central Park. The trouble started around 3 pm, New York time, when the Count started making threats. Iron Man, Captain America, and the Hulk, seen here in our eyewitness video camera account, promptly arrived at the scene. There are no casualties being reported and Count Nefaria has been turned over to the proper authorities. We'll get back to you with more footage of the attempt, but now the weather, with Darren Bach."

"Thanks Nina, the forecast-"

Steve bewilderedly picks up the remote to turn the tv off and wipes some of the toothpaste that has made its way to his chin. He's not sure whether to laugh or call up Tony to chew him out, instead he heads over to the sink, spits out his toothpaste, rinses his mouth and climbs in bed. He makes a mental note to call Sam tomorrow, to explain to him what he can, and to brainstorm how to get Tony back.  

As he's drifting off to sleep, he pictures Thor in his costume and thinks, "Maybe I'd look good with a beard..."


End file.
